Desperado
by Meredith T. Tasaki
Summary: I disclaim all responsibility for any insanity caused by this fic... Somewhere in the unspecified future, Ash loses a bet with Sabrina... Expect Kareoke, love, insane Pokemon Watchers, and pure bloody insanity.


Desperado  
  
Disclaimer: None of the people in this fic are mine. "Desperado" is by the Eagles. The author disclaims responsibility for any fevers, delusions, or ramdom cryings-out of "I AM WONDER WOMAN!" caused, directly or indirectly, by this fic, and refuses to let this go into court as proof that she should be locked up in a looney bin, 'cos heaven knows this would be all they'd need. Thank you. ^_^   
  
Summary: Ash learns the hard way never to make a bet with Sabrina...  
  
~  
  
"I have a phone call for Gary Oak," called Nurse Joy. "Gary Oak, would you please come to videophone number three?"  
  
Gary moaned. "Who the heck's calling me?"   
  
Umbreon shrugged, but he hoped it was someone who'd get his master back to normal. Gary'd been all lonely, outdoorsy, and cowboy-y lately, and it was starting to get annoying. He wanted someone to talk to.  
  
When Gary got to the vidphone, the screen was blank. "Hello?"  
  
"I have to WHAT?!" yelled a familiar voice.  
  
"I won fair and square, kid!"  
  
"Why are you dragging _us_ into this?! HE'S the one who bet you in the first place! We weren't even _there_!"  
  
"PIKA!"  
  
"Hey, you wanna be dolls?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Pika-ka."  
  
"He's on?!" There was some fumbling, and the screen finally came on. Ash sat in front of the screen. Misty and Pikachu, looking disgruntled, stood beside him, and Sabrina quickly stepped back. Ash whispered frantically into the screen. "Never, EVER play rock-paper-scissors with Sabrina, man! You'll regret it for the rest of your life!!"  
  
Gary just stared at them.  
  
"We have a bet, Ketchum!" yelled Sabrina.  
  
"Fine, start the--"  
  
"PIKAPI! PIKA! PI--KA--CHUUUU!"  
  
There was a zapping sound, and some people yelled, "Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnn!!"  
  
"No! Come back!" Ash pleaded.  
  
Misty snorted. "Now they're starting to sneak up on us. Are you _sure_ you can't sue?"  
  
"Ketchum! Start!"  
  
"Without music?"  
  
"Oh yeah." Sabrina pushed a button on some strange machine. Misty moaned and Ash sighed.  
  
Gary's confusion increased as music started. "Kareoke?"  
  
"Desssparado," Ash sang, "Why don't you come to your senses, You been out ridin' fences for so long now--"  
  
Misty, Sabrina, and Pikachu had burst out laughing, and Gary was trying hard not to. Ash blindly swung a frying pan behind him and continued.  
  
"Oh, you're a hard one, I know that you got your reasons--"  
  
"Like WHAT?" Misty snorted.  
  
"Pikapi pika chukachu pika ka," Pikachu said.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Pika."  
  
"I never suspected it."  
  
"These things that are pleasin' you, Can hurt you somehow." Ash sang.  
  
"Ash, what the heck are you doing?!" Gary yelled.  
  
Ash rolled his eyes and pointed at Sabrina. "Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy, she'll beat you if she's able; But the queen of hearts is always your best bet--"  
  
"Oh, NOW I get it!" Misty yelled. "She has a crush on him!"  
  
Sabrina flew at her with a mallet.  
  
Ash turned his chair, raising his eyebrows as they started to fight. "Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table, But you only want the ones that you can't get..."  
  
"Take it back!" Sabrina roared.  
  
"C'mon, you have a crush on Cape Boy!" Misty teased, parrying Sabrina's mallet strike with her own.  
  
"Desparado," Ash sang, "Oh you ain't gettin' no younger--"  
  
Gary sat up. "I'm twenty-five, for cryin' out loud!!"  
  
Ash shrugged and pointed at Sabrina. "Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home,"  
  
"Whaddaya mean by THAT?!" Gary yelled.  
  
Ash stood up and dragged Sabrina to the videoscreen, singing all the way.   
  
"And freedom, oh freedom, well, that's just some people talkin'," he sang, pointing exaggeratedly at her, "Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone."  
  
Sabrina blushed and ducked out of the way. Pikachu and Misty moaned as Sabrina beckoned them to do backup. "Why on the STUPIDEST verse?" Misty sighed.  
  
"Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?" Ash sang, writing on a piece of paper. "The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine..."  
  
He held up a sign that read, "Sabrina, why are you forcing me to do this?!"  
  
"You can stop singing anytime," Sabrina said.  
  
"It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day," Ash sang, writing some more.   
  
"You're losing all your highs and lows, Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?" he sang, and held up his sign, which said "Yeah, right," except in a much ruder way.  
  
"Okay, you caught me," Sabrina said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Desssparado," Ash sang, "Why don't you come to your senses?"  
  
He scribbled again and held up yet another sign, barely legible, which said, "Just don't make me dance."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Come down from your fences, open the gate,"  
  
Misty and Pikachu sighed in relief as they realized there were only two lines or so left.  
  
"It may be rainin'," Ash said, "But there's a rainbow above you, You better let somebody love you--"  
  
"Let somebody love you," Misty and Pikachu echoed.  
  
"You better let somebody love you," Ash sang, letting himself have fun with the conclusion, "Before it's tooooooo.... Late...."  
  
The piano theme played one last time, and finally, the song ended.  
  
Misty leaped in front of the camera, bending over, and accidentally knocked Ash down. "Gary!" she said, in a high-pitched voice. "This is Sabrina! I like totally love you! Please, like, come back to me!!"  
  
Sabrina sweatdropped.  
  
Ash managed to sit up. All of a sudden, he realized that Misty's butt was in his face. Startled, he coughed loudly and looked down, blushing slightly.  
  
"C'mon, now, don't deny it Sab," Misty teased.  
  
"Well.... SHE'S RIGHT! I love you Gary! Pleeeaaaassse come back to Indigo! I miss you!"   
  
Pikachu blinked. So did Misty. "Well, whaddaya know." She turned around and realized Ash was on the ground behind her. "Ash? You okay?"  
  
"Er, a little."  
  
Gary was staring at the screen. "Let me get this straight. Ash lost to you in rock-paper-scissors, so you made him call me and sing, because you're in LOVE with me?"  
  
"Eh heh, yeah."  
  
"Okay... I...guess I'll come back..."  
  
Sabrina jumped three full feet into the air and yelled, "Yatta!"   
  
Gary found himself laughing. "You know, I used to have a crush on you."  
  
"Yeah, I heard," Sabrina said.  
  
"Huh?! Who told you?!" Gary said. "The only people I told were Gramps and..." His eyes widened. "ASH KETCHUM!!!"  
  
"What?!" Ash asked. "It wasn't me, I swear!"  
  
"Why I oughta--"  
  
Sabrina leaned over to Misty as Gary screamed through the phone. "Should I tell him it was Professor Oak?"  
  
Misty laughed. "Nah. He'll live."  
  
All of a sudden, Tracey and Togepi parachuted out of a helicopter into the middle of Indigo Plateau. "Mua ha ha ha ha ha!!" Tracey yelled. "I, Wonder Woman, with my ally, Napoleon, shall take over this puny world! MUA HA HA HA HA HA!!"  
  
"Tracey?!" Ash yelled.   
  
"But first," Tracey yelled, "To find my reincarnated boyfriend, Harry Potter! I shall know him by his scar!! I have seen him before in this life, and I know he is here!!"  
  
Ash, panicky, looked in the mirror, and tried for the millionth time to get those marks off his cheeks. "Ah! Tracey's gone bonkers! Save me!"  
  
The door blew open. "Harry!"  
  
Ash screamed like a girl and jumped into Misty's arms.   
  
"I have come to rescue you!"  
  
Ash fell to the floor. Sabrina, along with everyone else, appeared at the other side of the stadium. Ash ran to the window and yelled something to Sabrina which was not very nice.  
  
"Harry!" Tracey cried again. "I have the spells ready! Now we can be together forever!"  
  
"AAH!" Ash screamed. "Er, Expecto patronum!"  
  
A silvery Stantler appeared and headbutted Tracey and Togepi through the roof. As the Stantler disappeared, Ash heard a cry of, "Looks like Michael Jackson and Joan of Arc are blasting off agaaaaaiiin!" A small ding was heard.  
  
Ash blinked. That was odd.  
  
"No kidding."  
  
"What the--Gary, I didn't say that, I just thought it!"  
  
"Oh. Darn."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Everyone in Pallet Town is really a transformed Mew!" Gary cried. "Didn't you know that?!"  
  
Mrs. Ketchum appeared behind Gary. "And because we change forms so much, Gary is your father."  
  
"NOOOOOOO!" Ash yelled. Strange, little green Pokemon with fairy wings came out and danced in a cricle around him, singing, "Bart Simpson's gon-na get you, Bart Simpson's gon-na get you!"  
  
"GAH!" Ash yelled, bolting up in his sleeping bag. They were camping out in Johto. It was a pretty night, and the full moon shone down overhead.  
  
Ash sighed in relief. "Just a dream! Thank God!" He settled back down, drowsy waves of happiness coming over him. He closed his eyes.  
  
He sneezed. He sneezed again. Reluctantly, he put his hand to his nose to try to stop it.  
  
His hand hit sonething long and round. Slowly, Ash opened his eyes.  
  
In his hand, he was holding a long, pink tail which appeared to be his.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ash screamed, so loudly it woke up all the Pokemon living in the forest, and some of the ones who _weren't_ living as well. He fainted.  
  
~*~ 


End file.
